Trauma can feel like this huge, looming concept, something that happened in the past but still somehow shows up in the present, influencing how we react to everyday stressors. The good news is that when we start to recognize and understand our trauma responses, we can unlock new ways to navigate life with more ease and self-compassion. In this post, we’ll explore the different types of trauma responses, introduce the concept of the window of tolerance, and share practical tips for soothing an activated nervous system.
Understanding Trauma Responses: Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn
Many people are familiar with the idea of fight or flight, but there are four common trauma responses:
- Fight: You may feel an urge to lash out, verbally or physically, when you sense danger or stress.
- Flight: You want to run away, avoid the situation, or exit relationships and environments that feel unsafe or overwhelming.
- Freeze: You find yourself feeling stuck, unable to move or make decisions. Your body might feel paralyzed, or your mind might go blank.
- Fawn: You become overly compliant or pleasing, hoping that accommodating others’ needs will keep you safe or prevent conflict.
These responses aren’t personal failings. They evolved as protective mechanisms to help us survive real or perceived threats. We each lean toward a particular response, or multiple, based on factors like genetics, upbringing, and past experiences.
Why Knowing Your Trauma Responses Matters
- Self-Awareness: Recognizing your default response can help you see that your reactions are rooted in protection, not weakness.
- Self-Compassion: When you know your body and mind are doing their best to shield you, it’s easier to replace self-judgment with kindness.
- Healing and Growth: Understanding your patterns sets the stage for choosing healthier coping strategies. Instead of being hijacked by old trauma responses, you can build new ways to respond that align more closely with your current needs and values.
The Window of Tolerance
Developed by psychiatrist Dr. Dan Siegel, the window of tolerance refers to the range of emotional and physiological states within which we can function effectively and process information without becoming overly stressed or shut down.
- Within the Window: We’re alert, engaged, and able to manage life’s ups and downs.
- Hyperarousal (Above the Window): We feel anxious, panicky, or angry. This is often tied to the fight/flight response.
- Hypoarousal (Below the Window): We feel numb, disconnected, or depressed. This is often tied to the freeze/fawn response.
Trauma can narrow this window, making it easier for us to slip into hyperarousal or hypoarousal. The goal of trauma recovery isn’t about never feeling stress or sadness; it’s about expanding our window of tolerance so we can handle challenges without defaulting to extreme stress responses.
Tips & Tools for Calming an Activated Nervous System
- Grounding Techniques
- 5-4-3-2-1 Method: Notice five things you see, four things you feel, three things you hear, two things you smell, and one thing you taste. This anchors you in the present moment.
- Sense-Based Grounding: Focus on a soothing sound (like ocean waves) or hold a comforting object to help your body remember it’s safe right now.
- Breathwork
- Extended Exhale: Breathe in for four counts, then exhale for six (or even eight). The prolonged out-breath engages the parasympathetic nervous system, inviting relaxation.
- Box Breathing (4-4-4-4): Inhale for four, hold for four, exhale for four, hold for four. Great in moments of acute stress to rebalance your system.
- Movement and Exercise
- Gentle forms of movement, like yoga or walking, help release pent-up energy. More vigorous exercise, like running or dancing, can channel the fight/flight energy into a productive outlet.
- Self-Compassion and Mindfulness
- Practice speaking kindly to yourself, especially when triggered. A small shift in your internal dialogue, from “What’s wrong with me?” to “I’m doing the best I can”, goes a long way.
- Journaling or guided meditations can help you witness thoughts without judgment, fostering resilience.
- Connection and Support
- Talk with trusted friends or family members about what you’re going through. The simple act of being heard often eases stress and anchors you in the present.
- Professional support, therapy for processing past trauma details, and coaching for present-moment skills, can be invaluable for long-term well-being.
Your Next Step: Coaching for Present-Day Skills and Tools
Trauma can sometimes feel like a heavy backpack we’ve been carrying around for years. While therapy is ideal for unpacking and processing the specifics of that heavy load, coaching can support you in developing practical strategies and tools to manage your stress and trauma responses in the here and now.
Ready to explore this further? Book a free Discovery Call to see how coaching can complement your healing journey. Together, we’ll identify your triggers, expand your window of tolerance, and find healthy ways to respond, so you can face life’s challenges with greater stability, self-confidence, and peace of mind.
When we understand our trauma responses and learn to navigate them, we’re no longer held hostage by the past. We step into a future where we can feel safer, more centered, and more in charge of our own lives.
